Fitness testing . . . what a fiasco

 

By Laura Mohr and Johnny George/Staff Writers

 

Students throughout Texas will take fitness tests this spring. What a brilliant way to waste time and money!

 

For students to ‘pass’ the fitness test they must walk or run one mile, do a trunk lift, get their body mass index checked, do some curl ups, push ups, pull ups, and a shoulder stretch.

 

Sounds hard. Better hit the gym.

 

But it’ll be worth it, right? If we do well, the state legislature will ease up on this ‘nutritious food’ nonsense and let us get some crispitos and French fries back in the lunch line, right?

 

Nope. Actually, not a whole lot is going to come from this fitness test. Actually, students don’t really even have to take it. A little note from Mommy and you’re excused from the activities. Turns out that asthma is good for something. So pop out your inhaler and get momma writing.

 

Apparently the state thinks this test is really important. After all, one in every nine kids are obese and America is the fattest country in the world. So this little day of fitness testing is going to prove what we all know. We’re fat. Do we really need some stranger pinching our stomachs and arms with some little ‘body mass checker’ to tell us that?

 

What would happen if the state finds out that the statistic is higher than one in nine? What if all of us are too heavy? They have already taken away fried foods and snacks deemed too sugary by the Parent-Teacher Association. High school is the only campus that still has a soda machine, even if it eats your money 95 percent of the time.

 

Maybe the school should start a ‘fitness test training period’ to address the state’s concerns. they’re so worried about it. In addition to UIL/study hall days, we could have Fitness Training Days! On Tuesdays we could run 100’s in the halls and then do push ups with the English teachers sitting on our backs and on Thursdays we could all take turns checking our body masses to make sure we’re ready for that fateful day when some stranger will let us know just how overweight we really are.

 

The legislature might have actually stumbled onto something. The possibilities are endless.